How I'm handing being Plus Size and Pregnant

Photo by: Denise Benson Photography 

Being a plus sized woman in America is hard especially when you see women paraded on television that look nothing like you. Even the plus size models have a particular shape. It’s usually the coke bottle, pear shape and ya girl here doesn’t have it! I’ve struggled to fit into the typical plus size world because I’m not super curvy and I would get dirty looks shopping in plus sizes stores. On more than one occasion the sales associate told me she thought I was lost. 😒

I’ve been plus sized for most of my life. It didn’t really hit me that being plus sized and pregnant mattered…not until I got my paperwork at check from my doctor. They gave me a cute little sheet that had my weight, height, how much I have loss or gained (I lost weight by the way) and my BMI. IT WAS 34! I’m considered obese. My doctor hasn’t harped on me about losing but she has encouraged me to move – start walking for 5 minutes a day just to get the blood flowing. And honestly, I’m not mad. She has treated me like a human – which is all I want. I know I weigh more than I should but I don't need to be reminded of that every time I go to the doctor.

What being plus size and pregnant means to me is still being able to be fabulous and pregnant? I can do any and everything every other woman can do. I WILL take those maternity photos. I WILL share my growing belly. I WILL give in to my cravings and I will enjoy this pregnancy!

I believe pregnancy is supposed to be a joyous time. I'm determined to do that. I move when my body says move and I rest when my body tells me to. Understanding what's best for you and baby is the best thing you can do while pregnant!

What are or were your biggest fears during pregnancy?

Happy Birthday, Kaydence

My Sweet Baby Girl,

Today, you are 10! Double digits baby!!! I still remember every detail about the day you were born. I had my 38th week check up the day before and I was in so much pain. You were ready for the world but I'm not quite sure I was ready for you. Dr. Hutchinson rushed me to Labor and Delivery. He placed me on strict bed rest for the next 24 hours and told me by 8 am the next morning I would be holding you. You know how I tell you things don't always go according to plan but they work out just like they should? Well, your birth was no different.

6 am arrives and Dr. Hutchinson was ready to take me back and prepare for your c-section BUT a trauma patient came in and we got pushed back. To say the least, I was irritated AND I couldn't eat! (And you all know how Mommy gets when she's hungry. #Hangry) At this point, it felt like it was one thing after another! It felt like nothing would go the way it was intended

Finally, somewhere in the 3 o'clock hour, they came to wheel me back. Nana was dressed in her scrubs to greet you and I couldn't have been more pleased. You were born at 4:19 pm...and what a beautiful sight you were. I couldn't see you because they put me to sleep. Everyone told me you were perfect; and of course, you were - you are mine! When I came into the recovery room and I realized what was happening everyone says I only asked one thing "does she have hair?" It was believed that if you didn't have heartburn during your pregnancy then your baby wouldn't have any hair. Your Nana laughed at me and replied: "She has plenty!" 

I know you worry when you see me cry but sometimes, it's happy tears! Other times, I cry because I worry if I've done enough. I wonder if I'm showing you the right way. I wonder how you feel about the life I've given you thus far. Our life hasn't been perfect. We've struggled and Lord knows I've done my best to never let you know it. I love you with every piece of me. I stare at you in pure amazement because I can't believe you're mine. You're so smart, talented, and beautiful. Please don't you EVER forget that!

You were my special gift - something I didn't know I needed. We've grown up together and we're still growing. I hope to make you as proud as you make me.

Love, 

Mom

Wow, it's been 10 years since I became a MOM. I'm not sure how I feel about that. It's scary. My daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me. She made me a better person. She taught me some life lessons that you can only achieve through experience! 

Let's have a transparent moment here: I wish I had the perfect story to give my baby about how she was planned and we anticipated her arrival but I don't. She doesn't have the baby books filled with "mom and dad" - she only has me. My pregnancy was HORRIBLE. It felt like death and they say childbirth is closest you'll ever be to death. (They aren't lying!) I believe there was a purpose... there were so many times I wanted to give up - but I didn't. I was 16 and didn't know what the heck I was doing or how I would manage. But God had a different plan for me. He chose to give me her. He knew she was just what I needed. He's prepared me to be all that I can I can be for her. 

Although my journey with motherhood hasn't been the easiest it has been worth it. I look forward to her going to middle school, graduating high school and attending college. My wish for my baby is that she is better than I ever was.

Mother's Day Interview: My Mom

Of course, I couldn't do a Mother's Day series without including my mom. Check out our interview below.

She's my rock 'ock, 'ock, ock, 'ock, 'ock, 'ock! (In my Plies voice)

1. How many children do you have?

2 girls, ages 27 and 30.

2. Did you always dream of being a mom?

Kinda, I knew I wanted children.

3. Where your children planned?

Yes, I got married older and knew I wanted to have my family complete by the age of 33.

4. How did your husband react when you told him you were pregnant.

He was very excited but he shows little emotion.

5. Did you know what you were having?

No, I'm not sure we could know at the time but I didn't want to know. 

6. What are the best parts of motherhood?

Seeing my children's milestones and spending quality time with them.

7. What did your mother teach you about being a mom?

She taught me that it's not easy and there isn't a manual for motherhood.

8. What values did you pass on to your daughters?

You'll reap what you sow.

9. What was the toughest lesson you learned through parenting?

I learned that you can't blame yourself for your children's mistakes.

10. What advice would you give other moms?

Allow your children to experience failure - otherwise, you become apart of the problem. 

11. What does being a mom mean to you?

It's a selfless act and you quickly realize that you are no longer independent. 

12. Do you have a quote or scripture that you live by?

Yes, my favorite verse. What shall I render unto the Lord for all his benefits toward me?  Psalm 116:12 King James Version

-What does that verse mean to you?

It's personal experience with the Lord, knowing that He was the only one who could have brought me through. 

Mother's Day Interview: Mrs. Tricia

Mrs. Tricia is DOPE! I love her energy and realness. She is a Clinical-Community Psychologist with a passion for the youth, especially young women. I was honored that she agreed to let me interview her for my little blog.

Love ya, Mrs. Tricia!

Questions:

1.    How many children do you have? 

           I have 3 boys: Ashton, Jamon, and Jalen. 

2.     Was your first child planned and how did you feel about becoming a mother?

     Yes, my husband and I were very excited. 

3.    What does being a mom mean to you?

 Well, I'm not sure what you mean but I'll answer the best I can. I love motherhood, I love the good, bad, and ugly. Most people say that they can't wait for their children to get older but not me. I've enjoyed every stage of being a mom.

What I love now is that my children are older and I get to ask them questions. It's true what they say that the roles begin to reverse as you get older.

4.   The biggest challenge in raising children? 

  I think I struggled most with finding balance. Being a working mom and trying to attend events for my children, being a wife and still having time for myself.

5.    Do you believe a mom can have it all?

I don't care for the "having it all" notion. [That's a young people term.] I believe that having it all is up to you. How do you define it? A mom can have it all by being at home with her children. However, that was not the life I wanted. 

6.    What is your greatest accomplishment?

Getting my Ph.D. was huge for me but I think I'm most proud of the mentoring I do with young women.

7.    Do you have a quote that you live by?

Life Motto:

While I often fail, my intention is to live each day with authenticity…centering my thoughts and actions on things of the spirit.

…whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

Philippians 4:8 NIV

8.    What advice would you give to a new mom?

The best advice I can give to a new mother is to build relationships with other new moms. You're all figuring it out together so the judgment will be less. Your children will/can grow up together and then you may end up having lifelong friends.