Tips for Dating After Divorce
/
The marriage is over – NOW WHAT?!
For many people, this can be an easy or very difficult change, especially when it comes as a surprise. While I’m not an expert, I can say life has been a great teacher for me, and I’m only here to share my thoughts with you.
Dating after divorce can feel like navigating a whole new world. It's a journey filled with unique challenges and opportunities for growth. Whether your divorce was recent or years ago, re-entering the dating scene requires patience, self-awareness, and a willingness to embrace the unknown.
I have been out of the dating game for 8 years, and prior to that, it was 4-5 years. I’ve always been considered what some people have coined as a “lover girl or the relationship type.” What can I say, I’m an introvert, I don’t want to talk to several people at one time, that’s OVERSTIMULATING!
I’ve heard so many horror stories about the current dating climate, it’s almost made me afraid to get back out there, but what did Drake say? YOLO!
Give Yourself Time to Heal
Before diving into new relationships, take adequate time to process your divorce and heal. Rushing into dating can lead to repeating old patterns or using new partners as a distraction. Personally, I don’t agree with the old saying, “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new.” Focus on rebuilding your sense of self, nurturing existing relationships, and pursuing hobbies that bring you joy. This period of self-discovery is crucial for building a strong foundation for future connections.
Be Honest About Your Past
When you do start dating, be open and honest about your marital history. There's no need to disclose every detail on the first date, but as a relationship progresses, your past divorce will naturally become part of your story. Being upfront shows maturity and allows your potential partner to understand your journey. It also sets a precedent for honesty and trust in the new relationship. As someone who was lied to about a partner’s previous marital status, it’s not fun, especially when people like to get you on a technicality.
Manage Expectations
It's natural to have hopes and dreams for a new relationship, but try to manage your expectations. It’s okay to go with the flow. Get realistic about what you want and desire. Every person and every relationship is different. Avoid comparing new partners to your ex-spouse or trying to recreate past experiences. Focus on the present and appreciate each new connection for what it is. Be prepared for a mix of good and challenging dates, and remember that dating is a process of getting to know yourself and others better. Learn to say “no” and don’t compromise.
Prioritize Self-Care
One of the best things you can do for yourself while you’re single is pour into yourself.
Dating can be emotionally taxing, so make self-care a priority. This includes maintaining your physical health, spending time with supportive friends and family, and engaging in activities that reduce stress. Setting boundaries around your time and energy is also essential. Remember that you deserve to feel happy and fulfilled, both within and outside of a relationship.
I have implemented a rule, I’ll talk on the phone after I get the kids down for bed. This gives me a chance to decompress from the day, be present with my children, and focus on having and enjoying adult conversations without interruption.
Learn from Your Past
Your previous marriage, despite its outcome, offers valuable lessons. Reflect on what worked and what didn't, and identify your own contributions to the relationship's dynamics. Be honest with yourself and start journaling. It’s so easy to feel like you’re not the problem or you didn’t help contribute to the dysfunction in your relationship.
Understanding your patterns and preferences can help you make more conscious choices in future partnerships. This isn't about dwelling on the past, but rather using it as a tool for personal growth.
Don't Be Afraid to Seek Support
If you're struggling with the emotional impact of your divorce or the challenges of dating, don't hesitate to seek professional support. A therapist or counselor can provide guidance, coping strategies, and a safe space to process your feelings. Friends and family can also be a great source of support, but sometimes an objective perspective is invaluable.
I sought therapy 2 years before my marriage ended. I knew it was coming, but I wanted to try; I needed to see what was “wrong” with me. I figured that if I fixed myself, I could fix my marriage. In reality, I learned that I should have never gotten married.
Embrace the Journey
Dating after divorce is a unique and often rewarding experience. It's an opportunity to discover new aspects of yourself, meet interesting people, and build a fulfilling future. Life is meant to be lived! Everything doesn’t have to be so serious. You may find that you enjoy dating multiple people or no one at all.
Be patient with yourself, stay open to possibilities, and remember that you are worthy of love and happiness.
