Have you ever had the feeling of needing to PRESS your way? Meaning you need to keep going even when you don't want to. That was me, Sunday. I just didn't want to. I felt so out of it. I had such an emotional day with my children the day before that I was mentally and physically exhausted. I sent the girls to church early with my mom so I could have few moments to gather myself. Well, I lost track of time. I found myself playing music and lighting candles...once I caught a glance at the clock I knew I needed to get a move on it. I'm so glad I did!
The message was right on time, as it usually is when you don't feel like going to church. I felt a little better about things knowing that this was just a moment in time and not a forever place that I would be in. My daughters will get older. Fighting is normal, my sister and I did it forever! The only difference is my 4 year old is EXTREMELY bossy and my oldest doesn't know how to handle that.
But that's not what made this day so special for me. After church, I went to my Granny's house where my aunt and cousins joined us and I realized something. We have A LOT of women in my family. Where are the men? Not saying that you need a man but when do our children see a male figure in their lives? I grew up with both of my parents but their relationship is different than what I vision for myself. My grand father died a few years ago and he was an amazing man. I try not to allow myself to think about him because it's painful. One of those things I don't think I've fully dealt with...but that's a different story.
My mother and I ended the night with one of her best friend's and her daughters. It brought EVERYTHING full circle for me. This has been happening A LOT lately and I'm so grateful for the clarity. It was just a typical night but conversations begin to spark and ideas were being shared and in a group of 7 women we all had different experiences. It didn't matter that my mother raised me or that her friend raised her daughters we were all DIFFERENT. That made me want more...I felt the need to engage in adult conversation with older women. Sometimes, you need to take a back seat and listen. People can share things with you that you never knew you needed. One thing that stood out to me most from that was when Mrs. W responded to my mother's comment of "hearing someone else's story helps you to realize that you are not as bad off as you thought you were." with "Yes, but that doesn't make your story less important or real." That cut me like a knife!!! I think we are constantly telling others "it's not so bad" or "you could have it worse" and not allowing that person to feel their pain and have that moment. There is so much healing that HAS to happen. Mothers and daughters, sisters and brothers, FAMILIES need to have those hard conversations. It's time to stop sweeping things under the rug and we wonder why we're walking around with broken children!
I went out on a limb and reached out to Mrs. W with the idea of us gathering more to share experiences, give advice and speak openly about a variety of topics. She said YES, so I can't wait for this to happen. I'm even more excited after watching Red Table Talk my heart is so full and I can't wait. I hope your Mother's Day was fabulous!
Also, are you watching Red Table Talk? If so, let me know what you think!