What kind of attitude do you have towards motherhood?
• Is it something you look forward to?
• Is it something you simply want to survive?
• Is it something you’re not sure how to deal with?
I think we’ve all experienced each of those feelings at different times. Sometimes we’re excited about motherhood; sometimes we’re overwhelmed.
It’s a big, important job. We are shaping little humans, whether we like it or not. No matter what we do- good or bad- our children are watching, and they are learning by example.
There’s this pressure in our society that motherhood is second best. That when you choose to become a mom, you're essentially "throwing your life away." Our culture can be very "me" centered, and motherhood is the opposite of being focused on yourself.
As a mom, I began feeling trapped. I felt like I wasn't living up to my "full potential." I bought into the lie that I can't have a life because I'm a "mom."
But I realized something: if I have a defeatist attitude, then I’m going to pass that same attitude down to my kids.
There is nothing more detrimental than the words “I CAN’T.”
I found myself as a mother, saying things like:
"Oh, I can't go do that because I'm a mother."
"I can't have a social life because I'm a mother."
"I can't go do that because I have two kids under two."
"I can't because I'm pregnant."
"I can't because it'd be too hard."
Good grief I turned into the "can't" parade.
How I spoke to myself and my children needed to change. I was getting depressed because of all the "can't's."
I decided to try a little experiment with myself- I could no longer say the word “can’t”, I had to change it to a CAN.
So I changed:
"I can't do that because I'm a mom" to "I CAN take my kids to do that with me!"
"I can't have a social life because I'm a mother" to "I CAN teach my kids how to interact socially at a young age, so they are better prepared as adults!"
"I can't go do that because I have two kids under two" to "I CAN be brave enough to try things with two kids!"
"I can't because I'm pregnant" to "I CAN be active while pregnant!"
"I can't because it'd be too hard" to "Yes, it is difficult, but I'm a mother, which means I'm capable and CAN do it even if it is hard!"
My view of motherhood changed completely with that simple exercise. It empowered me as a mom and enabled me to do more with my kids.
Don't adopt a defeatist view. You are a MOM! You are capable of these amazing things. You grew a baby in your body; you went through the heart-stopping stress of adoption; you are pouring yourself into your kid's lives. You can be an amazing person who is a mom!
Don't sell yourself short!