Learning to Love After a Heartbreak

Closure is not a moment between two people. It’s demanding yourself to stop reliving your history & let go of the “what ifs’”. It’s embracing that every ounce of pain you experienced was necessary for your growth, peace, and joy. It is a reconciliation with one’s self.
— Sarah Jakes-Roberts

Let's be real for a moment...allow yourself to think clearly and be free of judgment. I have had this conversation several times in the last few months and I've read quite a few articles. So I have a good feeling that this is still relevant. It has also taken me MONTHS to get the courage to finish this piece. I have come to realize that it was because I wasn't there yet.

Wow - can't believe I just admitted that but my goal is to be as real as possible with you all!

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Before you can even consider loving again you have to deal with your past. When you've experienced love and real love at that it's hard to keep going. For a moment your life stops. It feels like a piece of you is missing...your best friend is gone. This is insanely difficult if you didn't want the breakup. The worst thing you can do is try to force someone to stay - if they stay and they don't want to they'll be miserable and it won't work. 

Understand that healing takes time and no one is allowed to tell you how much time you need. Only you know when you're done. Cry if you need to. Cry for hours, days, weeks if you have to. Let it out! Keeping that pain bottled inside only hurts you. I'm not suggesting you wallow in your pain for months on end but give yourself time to breathe. 

I remember being told that I shouldn't be sad that I lost the person I loved. I should just get over it and move on with my life. I was told that crying wouldn't change a thing. Well, that was a LIE. I listened to that person and the aftermath wasn't pleasant. I learned to believe that I was okay. I learned to bury those feelings. I didn't get a chance to grieve the life I once had. I didn't know I needed it. I built a wall so high that no one could break it down. My wall of protection was solid. I tried to date but it didn't work. Whatever you do, don't fall victim to the notion that you should be with someone else in order to get over the person that you miss. For me, that didn't work and it doesn't work. All you're doing is masking the real problem. You aren't ready and it's okay not to be ready.

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Once you've done your work to heal it is possible to love again. It won't be easy. You're going to have issues trusting again but here's the thing about love...when you start to fall you'll fall. Then you'll catch yourself. You'll worry about everything. You're going to be afraid and you have every right to but remember one important thing...that person isn't the person that hurt you. I'm not saying give every Billy, Bob, and Joe a chance but don't close out the possibility. 

Love is beautiful, it's pure and when you have it - it's magical. Your time will come but you have to be ready!